


The Universe Files

by The_Knight_of_Roses



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28460082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Knight_of_Roses/pseuds/The_Knight_of_Roses
Summary: Special Agents Pearl and Greg investigate the strange goings-on in a small town, where a woman claims to have been healed by a benevolent alien
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	The Universe Files

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gimmeshellder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gimmeshellder/gifts).



> A little X-Files parody fic made as a gift for The Reef's Secret Santa 2020

**_December 17, 199X_ **

_It has been over two years since I was instructed to debunk case file S5-2014, known within the bureau as the “Universe Files,” cold cases that have been unresolved. My partner Gregory DeMayo, derisively known as “Mr. Universe,” and I have been investigating these unexplained incidents, which he believes to have “extraterrestrial origin.”_

The Bing Crosby classic “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas'' serenaded me as I arrived at The Bureau. The unforgiving New York weather made my fingers feel like icicles, and my office in the basement was sure to be even colder. When I made it downstairs I continued on my assessment of a mission that Greg and myself had completed the week before.

“Good morning Pearl,” came his greeting, filled with the holiday spirit, as it were.

 _Oh no, the only reason he’s ever that joyous in the morning is that he has a case for us_.

“What is it, Greg? Please don’t tell me you have a case, I’m still trying to get sewage out of my hair from our last one. And take that silly hat off, it looks ridiculous!” _Surely he knows that wearing the hat is far from regulation._

Greg scoffed and protested, “What? Can’t a guy get into the Christmas spirit?” I rolled my eyes as far up into my head as possible, “Aren’t you a bit exhausted? And aren’t you Jewish?”

“Yeesh, you caught me!” He took his hat off in shame before continuing, “Fairview, Kansas, an old radio tower used during the Cold War has come back online, sending out some strange signal, interrupting outside communications. It is accompanied by a pink, aurora borealis-type light.” He pulled out a manila folder and waved it around, “This is very similar to a similar event in Kansas City five years ago, where widespread outages were reported, accompanied by that same pink light. It hung around for three weeks before vanishing unexpectedly. Also, I’m Jewish on my mother’s side, my father was Catholic and we celebrated both holidays.”

“You’re going to have quite the time getting the FBI to grant us permission to go all the way out to Kansas, especially during the holiday season. Besides, it’s just a temporary outage, they happen all the time.” I’m used to him having at least more to go on before we go out on these cases. “Is anyone getting hurt? Any deaths?”

“I’m _so_ glad you asked Pearl!” His demeanor had shifted into the rather condescending tone of a man expecting me to ask such normal questions. “No, in fact, the opposite is true. 45-year-old Mary Alcott, dying from an inoperable brain tumor, reported seeing a ‘pink woman’ by the side of her bed who ‘probed her,’ resulting in a bright light lingering above her head for several minutes, and the next day reported a complete stop of all of her symptoms. No headaches, no seizures, nothing. In fact, she claimed she felt better than she had in a long time, and a childhood scar was also removed!”

“Sometimes these things happen, maybe the tumor wasn’t as bad as the doctors initially thought? There must be a logical reason behind this, medical technology isn’t anywhere _near_ as advanced as to be able to cure a tumor in minutes. And who’s to say that this account is accurate anyway. This is a local tabloid, just here it says that someone ‘had sex with Bigfoot’!”

“But look at _this_!” Greg reached over to his desk and pulled out a novel titled, _Passions of Xanxor._

I couldn’t help but scoff, “I’m not interested in your pornography, Gregory.”

“It’s not! Well, it is but…” I raised an eyebrow at the flustered man in front of me. “That’s not the point! The point is this!” He handed it to me, pointing at the author credit, underneath it were the words, “Based on a true story!” Greg continued, “This novel describes almost exactly the same thing as Alcott’s testimony, and the author John Stevens says that an alien woman cured him of cancer!”

“So...what? All we have to go on is random outages, a tabloid headline, and a porn novel.” When the realization hit me, I let out a defeated sigh. “When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow night!” Greg reached into his pocket and pulled out two plane tickets, with a smug smirk. “You don’t mind coach do you?”

***

After a long and grueling five-hour flight, with a kicking child behind me and situated in between a large, snoring man, and a clearly terrified woman, gasping at every noise, I found myself in Wichita, where Greg and I had to rent a car for the two-hour drive to the nearby city of Hiawatha. I had attempted to sleep in the car until I was woken up by my aggravating partner.

“Pearl, Pearl, look!” Greg pointed off into the distance, where a small pink light could be seen in the distance. He had an absolutely awestruck smile on his face.

We made our way to a small inn, The Stars Inn. Inside a pudgy, red-haired, dark-skinned woman, wearing a trucker’s hat, was seated behind the front desk. “What can I do you for?” She spoke with a thick drawl and her voice was deep.

“We’d like two rooms please,” I spoke, holding up two fingers.

The woman went to the wall behind her, pulling two keys off the hooks, handing them to us. “That’ll be five bucks a night, for your friend there,” she leaned close to me, “but for you, it’ll be two.” She gave me a flirtatious wink, but before I could say anything she leaned back and continued speaking. “Breakfast is complimentary, it’ll be in this building right here.”

An audible “ooh” came out of Greg’s mouth. “You can’t beat a breakfast!”

The woman gave Greg a dirty look. “Uh-huh. My name is Anita Cassidy if you need anything.”

I thanked her, making my way to the small room marked 1. “Well what do you know, I’m number one.” I couldn’t help but feel a bit important.

Greg held up his key, which said 5. “You know, I don’t think she liked me very much. I don’t see any other cars here beside our own.” He paused for a moment before clearing his throat. “In any case, I’ll be turning in for the night. We’ll check out Mrs. Alcott’s story tomorrow.

As I got settled in, every once in a while the lights in my room began to flicker until they went completely out. As I still wished to get some work done I went over to the main office to see if Anita had any candles.

I peered into the office. The lights there too were out. “Ms. Cassidy?”

“Oh hush doll, you can call me Anita. You here for candles?”

 _It’s very lucky that she can’t see me blush._ “Yes, thank you. Has this been happening a lot?”

“Certainly more’n usual. This town ain’t much, but the power is usually a bit more consistent, but ever since that radio tower started going off…” She seemed to abruptly stop upon mention of that tower. “Let me get those candles for you.”

Not wanting to lose her, I called out, “That's actually why I’m here Anita, I’m investigating that tower. By any chance do you know an Alcott? Mary?”

“I don’t know her personally,” Anita’s voice became louder as she returned, lit candle in hand. “But her story’s been talked about throughout the entire county. Why do you care anyways, you a cop?”

“Something like that. I work for the FBI.” I handed her my badge.

Anita held it up to her eyes. “Dr. Margaret Page. Huh, beautiful and intelligent.”

“Please, call me Pearl, only my parents call me Margaret,” I said with a smile as I took my badge back.

“What the hell do they have the FBI lookin’ at power outages for?”

“Uhh...top-secret,” I certainly wasn’t going to tell her that I was looking for proof of aliens.

“I respect that.” Anita handed me a few candles. “Also, if you finish early, I can show ya around town.”

“I think I’d like that. See you!” With that, I walked back into my room, but by then I decided I was too tired to work, so I went to sleep.

***

The next day, Greg and I ate some complimentary breakfast and then drove over to the Alcott home, only a few miles from Hiawatha. The Alcotts lived less than a block away from the radio tower, which was not lit, besides for the morning sun. The house itself was a small two-story home. Greg and I walked up to the door and knocked. A young, blonde child opened the door. I crouched down to her height. “Hi there, is your mom home?” The child nodded and ran into a nearby room.

“Momma! Momma! Two people in suits are looking for you!”

After a few seconds a middle-aged woman, the spitting image of her daughter, walked up to the door. “H-hello?”

“Sorry to interrupt you so early in the morning there Mrs. Alcott. My name is Pearl, and this here is my partner Greg. We’re with the FBI, and we’d like to ask you a few questions if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, not at all.” She opened the door fully and gestured to her living room. “Please, sit down, I’ll get y’all some coffee.” After a few minutes, Mary returned with two saucers of coffee. “I put some sugar cubes there if you wanted it.”

“Thank you very much, I usually just take it black.” As I said that, I could hear the _plop plop_ of Greg putting both sugar cubes in his cup.

“Now we have a few questions for you. You reported being healed by some sort of...pink woman?”

“That’s correct. I’ve been praying to the Lord for a couple of months now, and He must have finally heard my prayers! This being appeared to float off the ground, her hair touched my head and I could feel all my worries melting away.”

Greg spoke up, “Was there anything inhuman about this woman, dark eyes, grey skin, webbed hands? In other words, did she seem, not of this world?”

Mary looked confused. “You’re asking if I saw an alien? Little green men? Like in the movies?”

“Grey,” Greg interrupted

“What’s that?”

“Little grey men, is the more accurate term.”

“Are you sure y’all are FBI?” Mary asked, perplexed.

“What my _associate_ ,” I said, shooting Greg a look, to which he responded with a shrug, “means to say is, did anyone else see this being? Are you positive you weren’t dreaming?”

“No way, I was wide awake, couldn’t move nothin’ though.”

We were getting off track, so I wished to steer the conversation back into a more productive direction. “Have you experienced any power outages, maybe a light on that old radio tower?”

“Oh yes, all the time. Whenever that light appears all the lights go out, but then it’s gone, and everything is back to normal.”

“Thank you for your cooperation, Mrs. Alcott. Please, call us if you can remember anything else, we’re staying at the Stars Inn over in Hiawatha a few miles from here.” Greg and I stood up and left, shaking Mary’s hand.

“Oh, one more thing!” Mary approached us as we left the house, we stopped right in front of the door. “The lights only appear at night.”

As we walked out of the house, Greg stopped after opening the door to our car “Time to explore the tower then?”

No way I was going up there. I protested, “Greg, we just don’t have anything to go on here.”

“So you don’t believe her?” Greg seemed offended.

“Greg, as far as the evidence is concerned, Mrs. Alcott was experiencing what we call sleep paralysis, or the sensation of dreaming but we feel like we’re conscious. While I don’t doubt that Mrs. Alcott is feeling better, she is clearly a spiritual woman, and may have hallucinated this ‘pink woman.’ Seriously Greg, there isn’t even a crime here, and we work for the FBI, we aren’t electricians!”

Greg got in the car while saying, “You’re fine to not come, but I’m going to be going to the tower.”

“There’s supposed to be a large snowstorm tonight, you could get hurt.”

“I won’t be there long, I just want to see if I can see the lights. You can even say ‘I told you so’ if we don’t see anything.”

“Alright, fine, but I refuse to be out in the cold for very long.” _I can’t believe I let him convince me, but he’s going to get hurt_.

***

As the sun set, Greg and I went out back to the tower. It was large, probably about five stories tall at least, the radio itself stretched almost to the sky. There were three main structures, all of them connected to each other. One building was meant for parking and for the workers who once inhabited it to change. The second building was for people whose job it was to listen to the radio signals. The third and final building was meant for the upkeep of the radio itself. Anita said that it has fallen out of use since the end of the Cold War, and to expect some structural decay. _Great_.

Greg and I both packed jackets. Mine was grey with some red and green on it so I could be spotted in case we got separated. Greg’s jacket on the other hand looked more like something a rock and roll star or motorcyclist would wear. I tried to tell him, but he just wouldn’t listen, he said it was “enough” for him. “It can’t be colder than New York, right?” Before I could tell him just how wrong he was, we had arrived.

Image by[a_big_apple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_big_apple/pseuds/a_big_apple)

“Here’s the place Pearl, let’s check it out!”

Inside the first building, there was not much to speak of, save for some old equipment sitting there collecting dust. One notable aspect was the fact that the computer monitor at the front desk seemed to have blown out.

“Greg come look at this. It doesn’t appear to be natural wear and tear. Perhaps the power surges have blown it, but nothing else in the town shows such damage.”

“That sure is something. We should go up top, see if the radio starts emitting any of those waves.”

As we opened the hatch and went onto the scaffolding, the storm seemed to be in full swing. I could barely see anything. I could hear Greg yelling that he was going to check the radio itself. I tried to call after him and get him to stop, but he either couldn’t hear me or wasn’t listening. I decided to get out of the snow and into the second building.

This building had more radio equipment laying around, none of the spare parts on the floor seemed to show quite the same damage as the monitor from before, perhaps it was because these items were not plugged in? Continuing down the dimly lit hallway, I suddenly heard an abrupt noise.

“Greg? Greg!” I heard no response, so I drew my gun as a precautionary measure, and made my way to the offending sound. The room was dark, but I could make out a dark shape in the distance. Upon closer look, it appeared to only be a rat hiding out near the computer towers. I let out a relieved sigh as I flipped the switch in the room, nothing. In fact, when I gazed up, I realized that all of the lightbulbs were broken. _Thank God I’m wearing these boots, or else I’d have my feet full of glass_. I walked up to some of the towers and saw that they too had been blown out, similar to the monitor in the first room. I crouched down to examine the glass when I suddenly felt something touching my shoulder. I almost fell back with surprise until I figured out who did it. “Greg! Goddammit, you freaked me out.”

“In retrospect, I should have said something. But that’s not important right now, you’ve got to see the radio tower!”

As we made our way to the top of the tower, the storm was in full swing. Greg’s flashlight was the only bit of light I could see.

“Now what’s so important about the radio tower? We’re getting awfully close to the edge.” Snow was falling directly into my mouth when I spoke. Greg pointed to an open panel that was conspicuously bereft of electricity. I couldn’t help but ask, “If all this is gone, how is the radio emitting a signal?”

“It might not be the radio itself. What if something else caused the blackout?” Greg looked at me expectantly.

“You had better not be trying to tell me it's an alien spaceship.”

“I’m not telling you that per se, but you can’t remove it as a possibility.”

“Of course I can, there’s no sort of technology I’m aware of that allows travel by radio waves. The only things that aren’t radios that emit such waves are celestial bodies, like Jupiter! All we have here is a broken radio! Can we please leave? We’ll surely get killed in this storm!” I was at my wit’s end, but as I finished yelling Greg seemed to abruptly stare at something in the distance. “What?”

“I thought I saw something! I’m going to go check it out real quick, stay here.”

"Greg! Greg!" But he was off. "Goddammit!"

Right then a large flash of light nearly blinded me, as the entire structure of the tower seemed to shake, before I knew it I had completely lost my balance, careening off the side of the tower. I could faintly hear Greg’s voice calling out as I fell. I then felt a searing pain in my abdomen and promptly lost consciousness.

***

When I woke up, I found myself staring up into freshly fallen snow. I felt cold, very very cold. When I sat up, I realized two things. The first: standing in front of me was a pink light, identical to the one described in Greg’s tabloid. The second: I was completely naked. _Am I dead?_ was the first thought that came to my mind.

I immediately scrambled to cover myself as the pink light approached me. As it got closer I could begin to make out more of its features. It appeared to be humanoid, though quite tall and hovering slightly over the ground, barefoot, and as I looked up I recognized what almost looked like a dress. I could then see voluptuous pink hair tangled in many curls, all of which seemed to be suspended in zero gravity, the way it stuck up. It appeared to be a human woman, but her sclera was pitch black. _Dear God, I’m so dead_.

“Please, don’t be afraid, you’re plenty alive.” The voice that I heard was more beautiful than anything I had ever heard in my life. I was almost certainly dead. The figure in front of me reached out and touched me right near my abdomen. Immediately I felt at peace.

That peace was short-lived as the individual’s hair seemed to extend downwards to wrap me in a tight embrace. The “hair” itself didn’t feel like hair at all, but rather almost like human skin. The figure held me up close to its face, an aura of pink light and warmth coming from her.

I tried to speak, but all that came out was a slurred jumble of syllables. I had stopped shivering, which could only mean that hypothermia was setting in.

“ _I..inside._ ” My voice came out in a whisper as I tried to point to the nearby back entrance to one of the buildings.

“I...understand,” came the response from the dulcet tone of the figure that had embraced me. It carried me into the building and released me from her grasp as she gently lowered me on the ground. There was no visible light, save for the pink light emanating from the creature.

As I lay there on the ground I made a motion similar to putting on a coat. “I...need my clothes, do you, do you understand me?”

The figure seemed to laugh, “Of course I do, I needed to remove them in order to heal you.”

“H...heal m-me?” I heard the words coming out of its mouth, but understood nothing.

The figure floated away but returned with the clothes I was wearing, it put them on me. Then, it once again extended its “hair” to wrap me completely up to the neck. It then brought me close, nestling me against its chest. After a while, I was able to speak. “Who are you?” I said, still weak.

“As in, what am I called?” The figure almost seemed puzzled at the question. “I’m afraid I don’t quite understand.”

I had to try to make it understand. “I,” I pointed at my chest, “am Pearl. You are?”

“I see! I don’t think I have a...name, certainly not like you.”

Its hair reminded me of a flower that mixed with the pink light emanating from it. I decided to give it a name. “I will call you...Rose then.”

The figure seemed pleased with that. It reached down with its hand to stroke my cheek. “You are beautiful, even compared to others like you I have seen.”

My cheeks flushed, it looked at me with such admiration, I felt...love. “What happened...to me?”

“I am afraid that is my fault. When I arrived to get a look at you, I caused you to fall on a large metallic column. I had to fix you, to apologize for my mistake.” I was completely awestruck. I should have been dead. She continued, “But don’t worry, your friend will be here soon. But for now, rest.”

I wanted to ask it more, to see what it wanted, but my vision began to fade. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was, “I hope we shall meet again, my beautiful Pearl.”

***

“Pearl? Pearl! _Pearl!_ ” I could faintly hear Greg’s voice calling out to me. “I’m so glad I found you, are you okay? Do you need a hospital?”

My eyes fluttered open. “I’m fine...I think. I had such an interesting dream...” What had happened since I had fallen was nothing but a blur, I couldn’t be sure if it was even real. “It’s no big deal. Did you find anything?” I reached down and touched my abdomen, feeling nothing out of the ordinary.

“Nothing, nothing at all.”

“Ha! I told you so!” I stood up, unable to prevent a knowing smirk from appearing on my face. “Now let’s get out of here.”

As I returned to my room, I saw nothing out of the ordinary, in fact, my room had been neatly tidied, all that was in the room, save for what I brought with me, was a small handwritten note that said, “call me XOXO --Anita.” Maybe I would take her up on that offer, but for now, it was time to go back to my apartment in New York.

I had to go see Marty as soon as I landed.

“That ‘Mr. Universe’ should be more careful next time to ensure he doesn’t _waste_ the bureau's money. If the taxpayers even knew what we were doing here, we’d surely have a riot on our hands.” His voice sounded even more nasally than usual. “We did not put you on the Universe Files to waste your time on frivolity and a vacation, do that on your own time, do you understand me Page!”

“Loud and clear sir, loud and clear.” I made my way back to my apartment in Queens where I drafted the final report.

**_December 20, 199X_ **

_My final report of Agent DeMayo’s and my visit to Virginia turned up nothing of import. In the days that have followed, from my informant in the small town, there have been no further appearances of this pink light, nor any more miraculous healings. While Mrs. Alcott’s doctor could provide evidence that she had gotten better, there could have still been an error on the part of the physician. It is with this that I declare this case closed._

After I had finished this, I packed up my things, intending to begin a break for the holidays, another lonely holiday. I could not wait to return to work on December 26th. As I contemplated the next few days, I heard a knock on the door. In front of me stood a tall woman, with red hair stuffed into a jacket hood. She wore a brown raincoat and held a pink umbrella. When she took off her jacket, her hair fell down into neat curls on her shoulders.

Her voice was sweet and calming. “I’m so sorry to bother you, but are you, Dr. Margaret Page?

“I am.” The woman in front of me looked so familiar, but I couldn’t place it, “and who might you be?”

“My name is Rose, and we need to talk.”

Perhaps my holiday would not be nearly as lonely as I thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Before writing this fic I had only seen 5 episodes of the X-FIles, at the time of posting I've watched 6 seasons and am partway through the 7th. What a great show, my only regret is not watching sooner


End file.
